wolduwikiwikiaorg-20200214-history
Survivor: Suckster Showdown 2013
Twenty-four Sucksters compete in Paris, France in a clusterfuck competition for a million dollars. Contestants Tihsepa Tribe Krypton - The Really Smart Guy Dave - The Young Suckster Heather - The Cheerful Short Girl Toadeh - The Tall Awkward Dude Lemme - The Easygoing Guy Bassza - The Ghostie AFM Tribe JLK - The Conceited Gay RyAn - The Sexist Douche Emo - The Misogynist Gatorzzz - The Horny Gay Shambo - The Erotic Fanfiction Writer Polonium - The Creepy Stalker Dragonslayers Tribe Rolo - The Survivor Ranker Lexxan - The Other Survivor Ranker Dabu - The Guy With Awesome Opinions Caps - The OTTP Caps-Lock Abuser GabrielP - The Obsessive Aaryn Gries Fan Who Talks Mostly In Hashtags Ootwat - The Very Reliable Survivor Spoiler Rupert the poopert, a really cool guy yea the rupert! Tribe Kingcrab - The Alaskan Fisherman Penna - The Guy Who Fights With Kingcrab QP - The Dartmouth Grad Zobian - The New Guy SigTig - The Tina Wesson Lover Yoryan - The Complainer Chapters Chapter 1 - "YOU ARE A CESSPOOL OF HUMAN SHIT" A mysterious-looking man stood in front of a gigantic building, and began to talk. “Hey, I’m Antithesys, one of the admins of Survivor Sucks. I’ve gotten pretty bored lately, so I decided, why not create my own Survivor using people who frequent the Sucks forums? I’m a genius, yes, I know. So, right now I’m at Paris. City of love and whatnot. And considering 75% of Sucks is gay, and our cast is almost all males, there will probably be some love making in this city. Heh. Once again, another smart idea by me. Paris is great, plus I get to stalk the attractive people of the city. So, uh, looks like the contestants are here now.” A bus pulled up next to Anti. “Warning: There is 24 of them. Might be a little hard to keep up, y’know? Here’s the first tribe.” A tall, lanky male with puffy hair walked out of the bus. “Here’s Toadeh!” said Anti. Toadeh shrugged, and stood on a mat next to Anti. Another tall, brunette male wearing a navy polo shirt walked out of the bus. “Krypton!” “Hey, I think I’ve seen you somewhere before,” Krypton said to Toadeh, who looked around suspiciously. A small girl with a Yaxha buff stepped out from the bus. “Heather!” “You guys are making me feel like a dwarf,” Heather said, standing next to the looming Toadeh and Krypton. “You are one,” said Toadeh. A college-aged male with sandy brown hair walked out from the bus. “LemmeSmashIt!’’ “I… feel so disappointed that you don’t actually look like a smiling, 3D mushroom,” Lemme said, patting Toadeh on the shoulder. A shorter, teenage boy walked out. “Dangerdave!” “Whoo, yeah. Apeshit FTW,” said Dave, as he walked over to Krypton and Heather and fist-bumped them. A strange person slinked out of the bus. It was wearing a cloak that made none of its body parts visible, except for its hands, which were cold and clammy-looking. “And… Bassza!” “u guys all suck and im #1” said the strange person. Dave looked around suspiciously. “All right, guys, your tribe name is Tihsepa. Don’t question my tribe names, BTW. Now, I kinda want to get this over with as soon as possible, so here’s the second tribe,” Anti said, and another bus pulled up. A tall, douchey-looking man with sunglasses and a baseball cap strutted out with his arms folded. “RyAn!” “FuCk YeAh!!!” said RyAn. He took out a picture of Mike Borassi and stared at it lovingly. A short, pale boy with a ponytail and a rude expression on his face slinked out. “Emo!” Dave slapped his forehead. “Oh, your team has a woman?” Emo glanced at Tihsepa. “You’ll obviously lose every challenge.” Heather glared at Emo angrily. A man who had his hand in his pants and was making various “pleasured” faces walked out. “Gatorzzz!” “OoOoOoOoOoOh yeaaaaaah!” he said, rocking back and forth. “JAYBYARSMARRYME.JPG.” An odd-looking girl (or maybe it was a boy) walked out from the bus. “Shambo iz ma homegirl, AKA Shambo!” “Oh, YES,” Krypton said, grinning widely. “You like my fanfiction?” said Shambo. “I mean, who doesn’t, but…” “FUCK!” yelled Emo. “We have a girl on our team? Brb suiciding.” “Hey, I write erotic fanfiction about men… sometimes women, but usually men,” Shambo said defensively. “You’d obviously be pleased by it.” “That Jay fanfic CHANGED MY LIFE,” said Gatorzzz. “As long as it’s not about those fairy gays,” scoffed Emo. “I only like manly gays, like myself.” Anti cleared his throat. “And, the final member of this tribe… JLK!” “Oh, GOD no!” said literally everyone, even Emo, all at the exact same time. “What’s up bitches!” said an Icelandic person who was extremely androgynous. “The Queen is here!” “Why would you ever associate yourself with a woman? That’s really dumb,” Emo said. “I beg to differ!” said JLK angrily. “Okay, guys, your tribe name is AFM!” said Anti. “Once again, don’t question.” “What does it stand for, annoying fucking morons?” Lemme said. “...Maybe,” said Anti, as he made the real life equivalent of the “;\” face. “Anyway, the next tribe is here. Please give them a warm welcome.” “WaIt, ThAt’S So ReTaRdEd!” yelled RyAn. “We OnLy HaVe FiVe PeOpLe!” “Oh, uh…” said Anti. Just then, a limousine pulled up, and a morbidly obese, sweaty, acne-ridden man with a ponytail wearing a shirt that depicted Andrea Boehlke’s head and said “G.oddess. <3” and a beard that resembled pubes walked out. In short, he looked like the lovechild of Comic Book Guy and Boris. “Please welcome the last member of the AFM team… Polonium!” Anti said. “Hai. Which team has the special privilege of getting me on their side?” Polo said. “Oh, you’re on that team,” Anti said, pointing to RyAn and his motley crew. “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME,” Polo raged. “Ew, Polo, that shirt is awful, it has a woman on it. Burn it,” Emo said. “The one true g.oddess is Brad Culpepper.” Before Polo could retaliate, a third bus pulled up. A large person walked out. “Caps!” “HEY GUYS, WHAT IS GOING ON?!” yelled Caps exuberantly. “Definitely not your fashion sense! Ha! Ha! Ha!” laughed JLK. Caps ran up to him and punched him in the gut, and he stopped laughing. A thin, brown-haired teenager wearing a Tina Wesson shirt walked up. “Dabu!” “Whoa, he’s here? That guy is actually pretty cool…” said Toadeh. “Oh, you know. I try,” Dabu said. A bitchy-looking person walked out. “Oowatanite!” “Ootwat is here? FUCK MY LIFE,” lamented Polo. “This cast is defiantly getting worse and worse…” Dave muttered. “Shut the fuck up !” Ootwat retaliated. “You’re just jealous that I picked Cochran as the winner of Survivor 27 .. AND I WAS RIGHT ..” A speech bubble appeared over Dave’s head, and the “alien” emoticon sprouted from it. A gay man walked out. “Rolo!” “Hey guys, I’m totally ~excited~ to be here and win!” said Rolo. “Oh, JLK’s here? Fuck off, turd.” “YOU FUCKING CATTY-ASS GAY! STOP TURNING PEOPLE AGAINST ME! YOU FUCKING BITCH! I AM DONE W/ UR HIGH-SCHOOL FUCKING GAMES! LEAVE ME ALONE!” yelled JLK. “Drama!” said Krypton. A guy who looked European and somewhat resembled Rolo walked out. “Lexxan!” Toadeh winced. “LEXXANGEL <33” said Dave. “Your ranking is the best thing ever.” “hey guys, i’m totally ~excited~ to be here and win!” said Lexxan. Rolo glared at him. A Brazilian boy who was wearing a shirt with Aaryn Gries’s face on it appeared. “GabrielP!” “Alô alô alô, graças a deus,” said GabrielP as he walked over to the rest. “#TeamInes #TeamPretty #AarynGriesForLife” “OH NO YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME,” boomed Caps. “MY LEAST FAVORITE USER IS SERIOUSLY HERE?! AND YES, THAT INCLUDES THE EMOS.” “Hey!” yelled Emo, who had somehow split into five different copies of himself. “#CapsYoureJustJealousOfMyPrettyBoySwag #HatersToTheLeft #GoBackToCandilandYouOldWhore,” said GabrielP, retaliating. “YOU ARE A CESSPOOL OF HUMAN SHIT,” yelled Caps. “All right, uh, before we get too into this fighting… There’s still one more team left. Oh, yeah, and your guys’ team name is the Dragonslayers. It was suggested by Emo, because… uh, I don’t really know why, probably something offensive,” Anti announced. Emo winked and raised an eyebrow creepily. “And the final bus is here!” One last bus pulled up in front of the growing group. A teen boy with curly hair and a shirt depicting a sinister-looking closeup of someone’s face walked out. “Zobian!” “Who?” said Lemme. “Uh… Hi. I’m the new guy,” Zobian said. “You guys all seem pretty damn decent tbh.” “DuDe, SiCk ShIrT!!!” yelled RyAn. “NoW, If YoU’rE A FaN Of RiCk NeLsOn, I’lL LiKe YoU.” “Oh, that guy in SoPa? He ended with a UTR2 edit. His highest visibility was a MOR3,” said Zobian. “Pretty shitty edit tbh.” Two males walk out of the bus, arguing. “Penna and Kingcrab!” “Lots of crap going around..................................................... I blame you, penna!” said Kingcrab. “Fuck off, Crabby! I'm no longer talking to you. You're STUPID!” Penna said. “Oh, wait, is that a woman?” He glanced at Heather. “Yes, it is… but i have a German wife, i am but a fisherman,” said Kingcrab. The two walked over to Heather, who started to tremble. Heather looked over at the two awkward guys walking towards her, and quickly started talking loudly to Toadeh about her day, much to his surprise. Penna looked over, "Oh, darn. She's busy." “We must try again later! When she’s not talking to…” Kingcrab said. “Toadeh, Toadeh!, Toadeh!, Toadeh, toadeh, toad eh, ToadEH, TOADeh, TOADeh!!” Penna was shown in the confessional, which looked like an airplane bathroom. “Me and Crabby actually get along great... most of the time. It’s leftover love from the Now/Now thread. We just feud because it’s nostalgic…. and sometimes because he can be an obnoxious turd.” A scowling young man walked out. “Yoryan!” “What the hell? It’s yo-ryan, not yor-yan,” said Yoryan, correcting Anti’s pronunciation. “Wait… it is? I’ve been pronouncing it wrong this whole time, holy crap,” said Toadeh, visibly shocked. “lol your all noobs” said Bassza rudely. “I’m not a noob! You’re just a nobody! I’ve never seen you post! I’m just me and I’m real!” said JLK angrily. Two other random guys walked out of the bus, talking. “QP and Sigma Tiger!” “Hey, guys, Dawn brought some bread,” said QP, taking out a loaf of bread from his backpack. “Dawn? She’s a worthless expy of the true queen Tina Wesson,” SigTig said aggressively. “Don’t make me dig out that rant.” “YES! Lemon, I love you,” said Dabu, jumping up and down. “The name’s SigTig now…” said SigTig dramatically. “I’ve changed, Dabu.” “All right! We now have our four teams! Tihsepa, AFM, Dragonslayers, and the last team will be named… as suggested by Kingcrab… Rupert the poopert, a really cool guy yea the rupert!,” Anti announced. Kingcrab smiled largely. “Can we shorten it or something?” QP said. “NO!” snapped Kingcrab. “So, teams, ready for your first challenge?” Anti said. “Just kidding, I really don’t care if you’re ready or not, we’re doing our first challenge. So, right now we’re right in front of the Louvre. Really famous museum. Surprised none of you guys even care we’re in France. Your goal is to go inside and find a bunch of pieces that make a famous monument when you put them together. You have twelve hours. First team to finish their statue wins candy, last team has to eliminate someone. Good luck!” “Okay, uh, I’ll go with Bassza and Heather,” Dave said to Tihsepa. “Toadeh, Lemme, and Krypton, you guys can go elsewhere.” The three guys walked off. Krypton was shown sitting in the confessional. “You know, Dave is acting pretty suspicious around Bassza. He’s not really being like his normal self. I wonder what’s up? I mean, I’ll just concentrate on the challenge for now. It’s still really weird that I’ve gone to the same school as Toadeh for three years and haven’t even noticed.” “So, WhO’s YoUr LeAsT FaVoRiTe GiRl EvEr In SuRvIvOr?” RyAn asked Emo, as the two walked around the museum with Polo angrily trailing. “I hate them all,” Emo said. “Except Natalie Tenerelli. She has a good strategy: attach herself to a man and make sure they do all the work. That’s what women should always do.” “AwW, MaN, ThAt’S GaY. ShE’s So HoT. She FuCkInG SuCkEd As A SuRvIvOr PlAyEr, BuT I FaP To HeR EvErY DaY,” said RyAn. Polo grumbled something in the back that had to do with “the closet”. Polo then picked up a piece of the puzzle, and whistled. Gatorzzz and Shambo ran over to him. “Check it out, guys. I got a piece,” he said, holding it up. Krypton, Toadeh, and Lemme then walked up to them. “Wait…” Toadeh said. “That piece is blue… so it’s our piece. You guys have orange ones.” “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME UGH YOU GUYS ARE ALL C.UNTS,” raged Polo, and he lead his team away. “Well… we got one, so that’s cool, right?” Lemme said. Lemme was shown in the confessional. “You know, I’m really just glad our team isn’t full of morons like the members of the appropriately-named AFM team. I’m really enjoying working with Krypton, and Heather and Toadeh are some of my favorites. As long as I can get in a majority alliance, we can boot Bassza… After that, I don’t even know who we’d get out.” The scene cut to Rolo and Lexxan walking through the museum. “omg it’s so weird that the museum is completely ~empty~” both of them said at the same time. “Hey man, why do we keep saying the same things,” Rolo said. “alol” said Lexxan. “we’re not the *same* person tho” “Obv because you love nick stanbury and he really actually kinda sucks?” Rolo said. “wtf I cannot understand at all how any human being could hate the g.od nick stanbury???” Lexxan said. “:(“ Rolo was shown in the confessional. “Lexxan’s opinions suck and his ranking thread is too long and in-depth, literally who wants to spend 10 minutes reading a write-up about CECELIA MANSILLA of all people? alol.” Lexxan burst in, suddenly. “hey you queen if you want to see long and in-depth go bitch at dabu or something idrc” “K,” said Rolo, and the two left the confessional. Lexxan went Rolo’s opposite way, while Rolo went off to find Dabu, who was gathering puzzle pieces. “Hey, dabu, I just wanted to say that I ~really~ like your opinions and the amount of effort you put into your writeups,” said Rolo. “Oh… thanks?” said Dabu, confused. “That was pretty random, but mind helping me find stuff?” JLK then swooped by and grabbed some of Dabu’s pieces. “Ha! Ha! Ha! You can’t beat the queen JLK!” he yelled. Dabu slapped his forehead. “You do know you can’t even use those pieces, right?” A loud scream then emanated throughout the area. Dabu ran over to GabrielP and Caps, who were fighting… again. “YOUR IQ IS LITERALLY LOWER THAN ZERO,” Caps yelled. “GO FUCK A WHALE OR SOMETHING.” “Bitch, just stop. You are obviously just jealous of Aaryn so please, just stop with the irony. I will not bullied by you. I am standing up to you right now and telling you to stop the vicious racism! #STOPIT #TeamPretty” said Gabriel. “GABRIEL YOU ARE A LYING PIECE OF SHIT,” raged Caps. “I DO NOT LIKE YOU. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR RACE.” “OMG STOP FUCKING TALKING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T LIKE YOU, YOU UGLY SLUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP FUCKING BULLYING ME!” yelled Gabriel, and he ran off sobbing. Ootwat was shown in the confessional. “Ok, I know I’m annoying .. but why did I have to get stuck on a team with these scumbags !!” Zobian, Kingcrab, and Penna were shown looking around the museum for pieces. “Hey zobian, I think you’re a really cool poster, yea the zobian!” said Kingcrab. “Thanks. lol,” said Zobian. “Just for that I’ll give you a MORP tbh.” “Thanks man,” said Kingcrab. “i’m but an old alaskan fisherman, I don’t know edgics, but I’m fine with that.” “Hey, don’t listen to Crabby. He’s got some shit opinions… of course, thinking you’re cool isn’t one of them. You ARE cool,” Penna said. “Got some pieces. That’s… pretty cool,” Zobian said, picking up a couple of pieces. “So uh. Where are QP and Sigma. And yoryan, but he’s kinda a douche.” Suddenly, QP fell through the ceiling. “Hey, guys,” he said, once he recovered from his fall. “Listen. I’m kinda thinking of quitting Sucks.” “Why tbh,” Zobian said. “You know, everyone here -- except a couple Tihsepa people -- is an annoying fucking moron. And I don’t really want to deal with that. So, uh, would you mind it if I left?” QP said. QP was shown in the confessional. “I really don’t want to let my team down, but seriously, nobody is giving Dawn appreciation and I just don’t like socializing with these people. I mean, I graduated from Dartmouth. I gotta have SOME superior intellect.” “Qp the poopy, a really dumb guy yea the qp!” said Kingcrab. “don’t quit, man.” SigTig and yoryan walked up to the others. “What’s going on now?” Yoryan whined. “QP is quitting,” Penna said. “Despite how crappy of an idea it may be. Get it together, QP!” “Aw, what…” said SigTig. The scene quickly changed to Dave, Heather, and Bassza, wandering around. “Oh, hey, that’s the Mona Lisa! ^_^” said Heather, coming up to a familiar painting flanked by security guards. “hehe imma steal it” said Bassza, and he disappeared. “Shut the hell up, Bassz-- where did you go?” Dave said. Heather was shown in the confessional. “Okay, it’s coming back to me. Anti thought we’d forget, huh? Well, I think the guys forgot, but I definitely didn’t. Dave and Bassza are the same person! They revealed it in the Now/Now thread. So, the fact that a ghostie is competing in the game with us is really not good, and I’m definitely going to try to get Bassza out first… or Dave. You know, Dave would be great. As long as I’m playing a Danni-like game, I don’t care. ^_^” “Bassza is our first target, right?” Dave said to Heather. “He’s an annoying fucktard.” “Yeah. Okay,” winked Heather. “Let’s do that.” “You… Hey, don’t tell anyone!” Dave glared. “I need to keep a secret. And Toadeh, Lemme, and Krypton better not know.” “Uh, Dave, they already do know… They probably just didn’t notice. Bassza didn’t exactly… do much,” Heather said. “But I won’t tell. I promise. :)” “Good, I trust you,” Dave said. “Now, if we get some pieces we can win this challenge…” Bassza suddenly ran past them, cackling loudly while holding the Mona Lisa. A flock of security guards followed him, holding guns. RyAn and Emo then stalked by. “Oh, look, it’s a girl,” scoffed Emo, looking at Heather who shot him a rude look. “Ryan, let’s go get some pieces.” “AlL RiGhT!!!” RyAn yelled loudly. “BrO, I HoPe YoU KnOw I LoVe YoU.” “Yeah. Okay. That’s fine,” Emo said. “But I don’t like that phrase, since ‘love’ usually involves women. And women really suck. I need to prevent sexism against men.” “You’re an idiot,” Gatorzzz said, walking up to them with Shambo following. “Who’s even sexist against men?” He paused. “Mmmmmm, men…” “Hey, that gives me an idea for my next FF!” said Shambo. “Gatorzzz X Emo. Yummy.” “EWWWWW!” whined Gatorzzz. “I don’t want my name to be demeaned by a woman,” snarled Emo. Shambo was shown in the confessional. “You know, it’s obvious Emo is our first target. Not only is he an annoying tard, but he also sucks at the challenges because he’s too busy insulting women. I mean, you were brought into this world by a woman. Get it together, fuckbag.” “Where are Polo and JLK?” Gatorzzz said. Polo and JLK were then shown, screaming at each other, and the scene went back to Gatorzzz. “... Never mind. ^_^” Anti was then shown at the site of the puzzle building. “All the teams have gathered their pieces! It’s time for them to build! ...Whenever they get here. Oh, here’s Team Tihsepa! Or, some of them…” Krypton, Lemme, and Toadeh rushed in, with Heather trailing them. “Ugh, where are Dave and Bassza?” Krypton said. “Bassza stole a painting… Dave’s working on it,” Heather said shiftily. “Chill, we can still work on the statue thing,” Lemme said. He took out the pieces and started assembling. Soon after, everyone on the AFM team appeared next to them. “Oh, great…” muttered Toadeh. “Move to the side bitches! The queen is here!” JLK said, pushing Toadeh and Krypton to the side. “JlK, YoU’rE SuCh A CaMp GaY,” RyAn said. “CaN’t YoU Do SoMeThInG MaNlY FoR OnCe?” Emo was shown in the confessional. “I hate JLK, he’s a fairy gay. He’s not manly enough. He looks like a girl, I want him to go to the gym and start lifting weights and getting buff, and then I might like him.” “Okay, c.unts, if we want to get this done, we have to work effectively,” rumbled Polo. “JLK, go into the corner and mope about the fact that you are a pathetic human being. Emo, you too. RyAn, I could use your strength.” “SiCk, BrO!!!” yelled RyAn, and he picked up a puzzle piece and hoisted it onto the mat. “Shut the fuck up Ryanc.unt,” Polo said. “You’re doing it wrong. The image is supposed to be that of Andrea Boehlke.” “You’re wrong, the producers would never pick a woman as the object of the puzzle,” Emo said. “It’s definitely going to be Brad Culpepper’s tanned body.” “FuCk BrAd CuLpEpPeR!!! He’S A DeMoCrAt!!” RyAn said. “Well, uh… so is Mike Borassi,” said Shambo. “Um… FoRgEt I EvEr SaId ThAt,” RyAn said, and went back to work. “SuPpOrT GaY MaRrIaGe!!! WhOoOoO!” “Can you stop fucking talking like that?” Gatorzzz snapped. “Fine, you fag,” said RyAn rudely. Penna and Kingcrab, who seemed to be arguing, and the rest of the Rupert tribe then walked up to their statue pedestal. “The Rupert the poopert, a really cool guy yea the rupert! Tribe is now here! Only the Dragonslayers remain…” Anti narrated. “penna, i don’t see why you think Angie L’s miss utah win was rigged..” said Kingcrab. “Well... she was up against a girl that had a tat growing out of her cooch! It should be no surprise that she'd win against such lowbrow competition!” Penna said. “she is still way out of your league, rigged or not,” Kingcrab said. “She’s not my type at ALL, I’m not a fan of giant, plastic, casabas,” Penna said. “She also seems VERY stupid, and I don’t approve of that.” “she’s a little bit country, and I like country girls,” said Kingcrab. “Apparently you like dumbasses too…” said Penna. “Penna. Crabby. Shut the fuck up and get to work. Zobian and I need some help,” yoryan complained. “We really do tbh.” Zobian nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I’m leaving,” QP said. The other contestants gasped in shock as QP walked over to Anti. “Anti, snuff my “torch”. I’m out of here,” he said. “Gotta get back to my house. This place and the people in it suck.” “QP…” Anti said reluctantly. “The tribe has spoken. Now get the FUCK out of here, you make me sick.” QP double flipped everyone off and walked out of the Louvre, then grabbed a taxi and disappeared. “Aw, I’ll miss him, he was one of the few ones who had common sense,” Lemme said mournfully. “you’re implying that I don’t have common sense, lemme?” Kingcrab growled. “No. Obviously. You know, I doubt you’re actually in your 40s and married. Everyone on the board hates you, anyway,” Lemme said. “well, I’m gonna put you as #134 in my only official sucksters ranking, so the joke’s on you, lemmesma-SHIT. and they only hate me ‘cus they ain’t me,” Kingcrab said. “Oh my god you are the most spiteful immature bitch. Just because everyone doesn't like you doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. In fact, it probably means that THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. Honestly what joy do you get out of coming here? Pretty much everyone hates you and you never even talk about Survivor. Just go away already,” Lemme ranted. “Drama!” said Krypton, for the second time this chapter. Dave and Bassza then materialized next to Heather, who jumped. “We’re back,” said Dave. “And we have the last piece, and the Mona Lisa is taken care of ^_^” Heather then put the last piece on the puzzle, which depicted the Statue of Liberty. “Anti, we got it!” she said. Anti looked at Tihsepa’s puzzle, and shouted, “Tihsepa! Wins! Immunity… and candy!” He pressed a button on his remote, and a shower of diabetes, I mean candy, rained down on Toadeh and Krypton, burying them. The rest of the team cheered loudly. “Ugh, we’re already falling behind? Shambo, this is your fault. Your gender is dragging us down,” Emo accused. “Yeah, uh, no. They have a chick on their team,” Shambo said, pointing to Tihsepa, “And they won.” “We finished. <3” said Polo, as he beckoned to his finished statue which was that of the Eiffel Tower. “FuCk YeS, We JuSt BeLiEvEd In ThE PoWeR Of PaPa SmUrF AnD OuR DrEaMs WeRe AcCoMpLiShEd!!!” said RyAn. “I thought you said you were done talking like that,” snapped Gatorzzz. “Ryan your opinions suck! Stephenie LaGrossa is the best survivor! Because she is a true survivor!” said JLK angrily. “AFM also wins immunity!” announced Anti. Gatorzzz and Shambo cheered, while Emo grumbled misogynistic slurs, RyAn shouted something offensive, and Polo jiggled. “Lol at us winning before you guys :lbf” said Dave, taunting AFM. “You are a stupid bitch Dangerdave! Leave me alone!” JLK cried. “It looks like there are only two teams left,” said Anti. “The Dragonslayers, who haven’t even arrived yet, and Rupert the poopert, a really cool guy yea the rupert!. Who will win?” “This piece doesn’t fit,” said yoryan. “Ugh, Kingcrab, you’re awful at puzzles.” “Don’t hold your breath, yoryan..” Kingcrab said. “i’m an alaskan, i don’t know how to do puzzles…” “Yea! Look at Crabby! He’s AWFUL at puzzles!” said Penna. “Well… uh. I finished tbh,” said Zobian, pointing to the puzzle, which was in the shape of Big Ben. “Whooo!” said SigTig, and he high-fived Zobian. “The Rupert tribe wins immunity! Now, as soon as the Dragonslayers get here, we can get out of here…” announced Anti. After about five minutes, the Dragonslayers came back. Rolo, Dabu, and Lexxan looked perplexed, while Caps and Gabriel were engaging in yet another screaming match and Ootwat was spectating. “NO ONE CAN INSULT #TEAMPRETTY UNDER MY WATCH!” yelled GabrielP. “MORE LIKE #TEAMBUMBITCHES,” yelled Caps. “She’s so pretty though!!!” GabrielP weeped. “And better than… uh, you! You’re just jealous!” “"LOL @ ANYONE BEING JEALOUS OF A RACIST, BOXY, SMALL TIT HAVING AVERAGE LOOKING BLONDE," Caps screamed. “You’re a bitch!” GabrielP raged. “YES. I AM A BITCH. AND I WILL NEVER LIKE ARYAN THE LITTLE TWATMUNCH,” Caps yelled. “You wanna go?!” GabrielP said. “YOU KNOW WHAT MOTHERFUCKER? I’M ABOUT TO GO ALL BRANDON HANTZ ON YOU,” said a livid Caps. “#HatersToTheLeft,” GabrielP said, wiping up his tears. “Aaryn, if you’re viewing this, I LOVE YOU. You’re such a goddess <3” "ARYAN IS NOT A FUCKING GODDESS SHE IS A SPOILED BLONDE BIGOT WHO NEEDS A LESSON ON HOW THE WORLD WORKS," Caps yelled. “#PrayForCaps,” said Toadeh from the side. “YOU KNOW WHAT, GABE? FUCK THIS. I’M DONE,” Caps said, and walked away. “Caps, you are a dumb bitch !!” said Ootwat. “I hate Aaryn too , Amanda is better .. But you’re still a dumb bitch !!” Caps punched Ootwat in the face. “Okay. Uh. That was interesting,” said Anti. “Go to your cabins. They’re over that way. Dragonslayers, you’re going to Tribal Council.” “UH NO WE’RE NOT,” Caps said. “WE’VE DECIDED TO VOTE OUT GABRIEL RIGHT HERE.” “...We have?” said Dabu. “NOOOO!!!” yelled Gabriel. “#StayStrong #TeamPrettyWillKickYourButtox” “You spelled buttocks wrong,” yoryan scowled. “#IWillNotLetYouRobMeOfTheMillion #TeamPrettyFTW #GabrielPWillNeverDie” Gabriel said. “Uh… who agrees to vote out Gabriel?” Anti said to the Dragonslayers team. “Me,” said Rolo. “me~” Lexxan said. “Yeah, that may be a good idea...” said Dabu. “HAHA YEAH I VOTE HIM TOO. FUCK YOU GABE,” yelled Caps. “OK, then. With a vote of 5-1… Gabriel, you are the first person voted out of Survivor: Suckster Showdown 2013. Please bring me your torch,” said Anti. “I don’t have one :(“ said Gabriel. “LOL PWNT,” said Caps. “All right, then get the fuck out of here,” said Anti. A weeping Gabriel flipped everyone off and proceeded to exit the building. He got into a taxi and disappeared. “THANK GOD THAT DOUCHEBAG IS FINALLY GONE,” said Caps in the confessional. “NOW I CAN FOCUS ON MY GAME.” Heather was shown in the confessional. “Plans for the near future? Well, uh, blindside Bassza or Dave. Bassza is a goat, so… Yeah. I’m going to tell Krypton, probably, since he’s a nice and trustworthy guy… Toadeh I can’t get much of a read on, but I think he likes Guatemala, so that’s really good.” Lemme was shown in the confessional. “Me. Toadeh. Krypton. We’re actually going to make the final three, so this game should be a breeze… As long as we get that douchebag Bassza out.” Bassza was shown in the confessional. “hahaahaha” He then turned into water, and then reformed back into Dangerdave. “Yeah, my Bassza disguise is defiantly going to work. I have to make sure Heather doesn’t tell anyone though.” “Some random number of days…” Astro announced, closing off the episode. “A large amount of people… One Survivor!”